New bend in the road: Reflections at the end of life

Dame Maria Boulding had been a biblical scholar, a writer, a novice mistress and a hermit before being diagnosed with terminal cancer at the age of 80. Urged by others, she set down her thoughts as she approached death. She found that her last days were a time that bore the marks of Easter
Maria Boulding
5 April 2010

I was on a journey, a joyful journey full of interest, beauty, friendships and happiness. I knew I must be getting near the end, and was filled with gratitude for all that had been given to me on this journey that had been my life. At every stage along the road, I had been convinced that my ­experience made sense only in the light of Christ’s Cross and Resurrection. I had been born in Eastertide. Later I received the monastic habit in Easter week, made my first vows in Easter week the following year, and took solemn vows for life in my community three years later, again at Easter.

Another certainty emerged in the years that followed; it was to do with my name. I had been baptised as a baby with the name Mary. Nothing else was added, though suggestions about a second name had been pressed upon my parents. For some reason, my father insisted that his first daughter (he had two sons already) was to be called simply Mary. As I came to love the Scriptures and find inspiration in them, I identified first with Mary, the mother of Jesus, and then with other Marys in the gospels. There was already someone called Mary in the monastic community, so eventually I edged as close as possible with Maria. I came to glimpse something of the function of these Marys as symbolic figures as well as flesh-and-blood people. In their several ways, they represented something of the reality of the Church in relation to Christ. My prayer and my life became centred on the Scriptures, an endless source of inspiration and joy along the way. I could understand my vocation only as somehow “being the Church”. the rest image by Memotions